So this is such an interesting concept. I really like this idea and I'm so intrigued. I think for the first paragraph, you should put it all in quotation marks so it's clear you're not writing like this that whole time. I think you could clean this part up a bit, but I also think it adds a great element to your story. I like how you are pretty straightforward in this introduction. If you wanted to spice it up some, you could refrain from giving the summary in the last part of the third paragraph and simply start by talking about Jack and Jill and their problems like you do in the next paragraph. Since you're already giving summaries of each story, it is somewhat redundant to mention it twice. You can totally expand on your summaries of each story. What else can you tell about Jack and Jill without giving too much away? What do they find throughout this whole situation? Same with the other stories. I think it would be easy to expand on these ideas and to make it even more interesting for the reader, so that they just have to know what happens in your stories. It would be beneficial for you to add a few concluding sentences after you mention Curly Locks. Help lead the reader into the next story. I would focus on wrapping up this introduction and then leading in to Jack and Jill's story. Overall though, really good job and really great idea! I can't wait to your stories.
Hey Lillie, I really love your ideas for your storybook. The introduction was laid out really well (easy to distinguish between the stories and it gives a good idea of what you are about to read). Your idea to modernize older nursery rhymes was fantastic and the language you used (today's speed) had me laughing at some points. I'm definitely excited to see how it turns out! One suggestion I have would be about Curly Locks' description. The other stories seem to give insight into the conflict that could arise in each, but I find that Curly's description leaves me wondering more of what the story is actually about. With some friends liking her tweets and other not, that just seems like you are giving brief information about a small matter. Maybe just a sentence or two added on about potential conflict and resolution would really round it out in the introduction.
I like the concept! I am excited to see how it will turn out. The first paragraph does seem a little ruff but I thing if you added a little more to let it flow better it would make it ten times better. the summaries are good but I would expand a bit more on the characters and their backgrounds. like who is John compared to Jack and Jill and if he is important? And I have never read your other stories (Gregory Porgey and Curly locks) so I would expand on the setting that the story is occurring in. If you want to you can kind of lead us on with more of the "drama" of each story like you've done with Jack and Jill. Overall great concept for a story book and I am excited how you are going to write the stories as well as the layout of them.
Oh my god Lillie, that's a great intro hook! I had a free option this week, and I wanted to read yours because I am also using social media as a twist on stories. I definitely wanted to see how you would utilize social media.
First of all, I think you should use your introduction as if you were already in your storybook world. Maybe like someone spreading gossip, as social media is often used for. I think it would be a nice touch rather than just saying what you're doing with your storybook.
For the Jack and Jill story, I think you should expand a bit on why they were on the hill. Maybe that could add to the embarrassment.
Honestly, I think you should swap what social media platform you are using for Little Bo Peep and Curly Locks. Unless you have some specifics already planned, it doesn't seem like there would be much to take pictures of in the Little Bo Peep story. And even if there was one thing or two, you can still put pictures in tweets. Then you could even include something like Little Bo Peep starting a hastag movement to find her sheep. I think Curly Locks would work better with SnapChat because her story IS so picture based. SnapChat is a great way of showing of your own life through pictures and video.
Overall, I'm really excited to see what way you take this idea; I'm also excited to see how our storybooks differ from each other!
Amazing. I already know this will be a masterpiece :p. I gotta say, I'm really interested! I think it's a funny, modern spin on things. I've seen a book that had a text message format of Romeo and Juliet and it was amusing from what I saw, so I'm excited for this, too! I also agree that you should have Lil Bo Peep use Twitter; since it's Snapchat, it doesn't seem like she could take pictures of much anyway. It seems better if she just tweeted her adventures, then maybe you can throw in a picture of the sheep at the last tweet.
I'm not sure if you have any control of this, but is there a way to make the pictures smaller? They seem rather large and seem like they don't need to take up as much space as they currently do.
Lillie! Ok I think this is adorable. I love that you chose nursery rhymes and are bringing them to a modern age. I think that you could work on the title of your storybook though to make it more specific to your storybook. I like that it's informative, but adding a "modern" aspect or something to the title would be more fitting I think. I love that your pictures seem very fitting to your stories; they seem very modern and are easy to understand why they are there. I think that adding a picture or something to the homepage would make it a little more compelling. I love that you go into a little detail about each of the stories involved; I think it's a great introduction into your storybook and it draws us in and makes us want to come back for more. I really think this is an interesting premise and I really think you've done a good job of introducing it so far to make it sound interesting and to explain the premise to your readers. Overall, I think the design is fitting to your storybook though. I think that maybe occasionally using pictures from the original stories would be interesting though to keep it authentic to the original stories.
The concept for this storybook is very humorous, Lillie; mixing up traditional stories with diction and mannerisms fit for a modern age allows for creative storytelling angles. I also noticed the fake text generator you used, and wondered if maybe there are other such generators out there to help add even more punch to your story.
Your first two story concepts sound great, with potential to encapsulate modern youth troubles through social media, however since you tease parts of all the stories, I couldn't help but wonder what modern tech will have to do with the latter two stories. Perhaps you could elaborate on that, if that's your goal?
The Georgey Porgey and Curly Locks stories might also need a little bit of explanation. People will likely already be familiar with Jack & Jill and Little Bo Peep, but since the other two are apparently more obscure nursery rhymes, a link in a bibliography to where you can read the original stories would help your audience understand the source.
The little blurb at the top, sounding like a stereotypical teenager, is a cute little detail. I think you can take it one step further by spreading out bits of this gossipy manner and diction into the introduction. It might involve some rewriting, maybe even into a different POV, but it could help bring youthful energy into your intro.
All in all, some touching up on the latter stories would be welcome, and I'd love to feel the 'modern' in it a bit more, but I look forward to how these nursery rhymes will translate into the 21st century.
This is AMAZING, Lillie! I was a little skeptical about modern day fairy tales when trying to decide which story book to read. Then I decided to try something new and different, yours, and I am SO glad I did! I think this story book is going to be hilarious and so enjoyable! I was already laughing after the first description about Jack and Jill being embarrassed about falling down a hill due to their Pokemon Go obsession. I think these stories will be very entertaining to read and fun to write!
Your introduction with "Oh my god, Becky..." was so funny and immediately grabbed my attention and made me want to keep reading to see what your story book would be about!
I am not familiar with Georgey Porgey or any stories that he is in so maybe a little background on that character would be nice. Also, Curly Locks seems really shallow, but assume that is supposed to be part of her character?
Overall, awesome job! I can't wait to keep reading!
Lillie, I love this idea! I was cracking up the whole time. I love the screenshot of the conversation about Jack and Jill and although it is fictional I love that you took a somewhat realistic approach on it. High schoolers are brutal and tumbling down a hill will not be an easy thing to shake off. I don’t know if you did it on purpose, but if you didn’t I would definitely be aware of the personalities and the media outlets they use and how they use it. Your characters fit so well with their platform choice, if that makes sense. Dramatic girl on Twitter is very fitting, along with the girl who post all about her relationship on Snapchat, and the popular guy who looks great on the outside (Facebook), but probably isn’t all that great when you get through the surface. My only suggestion would be to stick with these themes because it’s starting to be a common thing to have a certain behavior depending on the platform you use.
Your introduction is great. It sounds like an exciting and unique twist on old time nursery rhymes which I think will be fun and easy for people to relate to in this age. The banner images you found for both your introduction and story fit perfectly. I am not certain about the benefit of a link to the first story in the introduction when it is in the banner on the top of the page. I love the first story, “Jack and Jill!” You did a great job on rhyming and your alliteration. I became a little confused as you introduced a few other friends besides John and Jane. This may be due to the abrupt change from their creeping to the rest of kids showing up to laugh at Jack and Jill. However, the fake texts clarified the story for me. Also, I like that Jack and Jill became trendsetters, and John was used as the moral of the story. I think this will be a fun storybook to read and look forward to checking it out later this semester!
Hey Lillie! I really am enjoying your story! I read your introduction a few weeks ago and was excited to continue reading more of your story! I liked the story about Jack and Jill. In your author's note, you say you really want to teach a lesson through your stories. I think you have accomplished that goal, your story really does teach a lesson. It is hard to put myself in the situation if being so ridiculed for doing something as simple as playing Pokemon Go, but if I think back to middle and high school, I can remember how critical everyone seemed. I also remember how the smallest things seem like the biggest deal! I had to put myself back in that mindset, but I definitely could identify! I think one of my favorite things you added was the text message communication. This really helps to show the modern times. It added a nice touch that really made the story seem modern and like it was young teens talking. I am excited to continue reading your future stories about Little Bo Peep!
Hi Lillie! I have read your storybook before, but I see you have made some major changes since then!
Great job nailing the nursery rhyme aspect of these stories! I think that the rhymes are very necessary for what you are doing, and you are most definitely nailing it. I am glad to see you have added motives to your characters in the revision of Jack and Jill. It has made it a much more entertaining story to read. I love your use of Pokemon Go. After the hype died, it really did begin to seem like it was embarrassing to still play it. It also was such a huge hit that any reader, or at least any reader in this class, should immediately understand.
Great use of the text message screenshots! With stories that are supposed to integrate social media and messaging into them, it is really important to make them work well within the story. And yet again, you have done that really well!
I also really liked that you put a lesson into the story. Children stories seem weird without having one! I would highly recommend doing this with all of your stories.
Overall, awesome job! I cannot wait to see the rest of your storybook.
Lillie, I actually have looked at your storybook before and particularly liked the idea. I see that you've added a story and updated things a bit. I still really like your idea and I think it's done really well with including the text conversations/social media platforms and what not. I really liked your Jack and Jill story and think that the integrated text conversations make it more interesting and readable. I love that you included Pokemon Go, too. I think that your story is written really well and accomplishes the goal set forth by your storybook to include old nursery rhymes and to make them modern through the use of various social media platforms. I also really like that you used integrated conversations in your storytelling, too. I think your story writing is done really well and makes your storybook very interesting to read. I'm really struggling to come up with anything to tell you to change about your storybook. Maybe look into making the home page of your storybook a little more interesting through the use of pictures and colors.
It's turning out really well! I love the images you are doing with the stories! it really makes them pop. The rhymes at the beginning of your stories are great too! I like that the rhyming does not stop there and you continue it throughout your story. The update from the last time I commented bring the story to the next level. I am glad the all your stories so far end on a happy note. I also like that the main characters are all nice to the others and all own up to their situations. I did a great job of making the stories life like and having accurate details. (to the best of my knowledge.) The use of different types of media is very impressive and I would not have thought of that. Good luck with the rest of your stories and I can’t wait to read more!
You have a very interesting concept and I would look forward to reading more. Except, I think there are two things standing in my way. One, I like the original stories too much. While yours are interesting, the originals hold a special place in my heart. Two, I am thrown off by your slang, especially in the Jack and Jill story. However, that might be because I am a sad millennial and don’t comprehend slang. On the Jack and Jill story, why don’t you change the hill to a drainage pipe in a ravine or a cliff side, something that is more realistically going to deter someone from climbing it? More importantly, your Bo Peep story. Your twitter (?) image is really large and blurry, might just be my computer. It would be really cool if you could scale it down so it looked like a real imbedded twitter post. Also, there was a tweet, when she was talking about her dad, you use know instead of known, it allowed me, simply because all the other tweets are correct in tense. And finally, the bit about the sheep getting their hooves trimmed. One, they would do that themselves. Two, it would not take days, hours at most. Three, the sheep being missing that long, several days, would be a reason for legitimate concern not a diva moment. If you changed the timeline to be several hours instead of days, I think it would get your point across more clearly.
Hi Lillie, I'm in the Epics of India section, but decided to take on a Mythology and Folklore storybook this week. I am so glad I chose yours. I had the chance to read your Introduction and the story about Jack and Jill. The introduction did a great job in informing readers like myself who the main characters are, and your goals with the stories. However, I was thrown off as to why different characters had different forms of social media? Maybe I didn't read carefully, but are these the forms of social media each of these characters associate with? I really really like the story about Jack and Jill. You definitely revolutionized the story, but also kept the same elements. I admire your desire to create an ending that is happy, and also teaches a lesson. The text message images are a great addition that makes this story stronger. The author's note also did a really good job of explaining your creative story. I really did not find anything to pick out in this story that may need work. I really enjoyed it. Nice work!
Hi, Lillie! Your storybook idea is so unique and interesting! I would have never thought about adding a modern twist to nursery rhymes, and you did a fantastic job. Your introduction was well-written and definitely laid out the plan for the rest of your storybook well, especially with your brief summaries about each modern nursery rhyme. Your Jack and Jill story was super entertaining, and I love the fact that you brought in Pokemon Go into the mix. My only issue with this story was that the text conversation with Jane didn’t have any prior context so it was kind of confusing at first. I understood who she was later on, but maybe that image should be moved to be next to the text conversation with Joe instead. But other than this, I had not problems with the rest of your storybook. Little Bo Peep’s live tweets were also fantastic, and I can’t wait to read your story for Georgey Porgey and Curly Locks next!
Hi Lillie! I thought your intro was super cute and clever! I wasn't really sure what was up with the first two italicized lines, but I liked that you themed each story off of a different social media site. I think it is super cool that there is a fake text generator too because I never would have thought of that.
As for Jack and Jill, it was a really fun story. I liked your rhyming, although it seemed a bit inconsistent. However I've never heard anyone call it "catching" a PokeStop. Everyone I've ever played with has called it "spinning" the PokeStop. But again, this could just be a regional/player preference thing. Also, I feel like Pikachus aren't rare anymore, especially after the Christmas event. My only big picture issue with it is that you wanted your moral to be that you don't have to follow the status quo to be popular and that doing your own thing is great, but that's exactly opposite of what happened. Everyone copied Jack & Jill and started playing, therefore imitating them to be popular. And while they were doing their own thing and that's fine, the whole school suddenly being obsessed with it and calling it "trendsetting" negates their own (and every other copycat's) individuality. However I did honestly like your story, especially with the multimedia/text screenshots kind of thing.
Little Bo Peep was super delightful. I really loved all of the tweets, although making them a bit smaller might make them a little less blurry. But they were seriously super cool! Your rhyming scheme started out absolutely fantastic this time, but slowly fell away again into sometimes the two halves of the sentence rhyme, sometimes two whole sentence endings rhyme, and sometimes nothing rhymes. It's something to consider when you go back and edit. Overall your ideas and stories are fun and I look forward to coming back to read more (especially Curly Locks).
Hey Lillie! I was so confused at first by the poem as that is not how I had learned it and clearly was a little slow to catch on! I re-read the first few lines to make sure I was right in my previous reading! Once I got what was going on I was laughing so hard! I have never played Pokémon Go and even I knew what the pokestops were so it was nice you used such a well-known online app so everyone would understand! I was so surprised that you were able to incorporate the text screenshots! I have no idea how you did that, but it is so cool and really added to the story! I also liked how even after the poem you kept up with the rhyming all the way through the story. I did not notice is at first and I read it out loud and was like oh my gosh! Very talented, hopefully you never get stuck with the word orange or silver!
I love the concept of your storybook! Your modern updates are hilarious and fit the theme of the old nursery rhymes really well! I love how you used the fake text generators and tweet generators as well. They really help get into the mood of the story. The dedication you put into picking the avatars of the tweeters too in Little Bo Peep is great! I can't wait to read your later stories! I really appreciate how you diagrammed out each story in your introduction because now I know exactly what to expect. The rhyming in your poems and throughout the stories is also fantastic! I would have a hard time keeping it up and I love how it creeps through randomly! I also love the banner pictures and layout of the site you used. It's really intuitive and the banner pictures really fit well with each of the stories. Great start and can't wait to read the rest!
I love these nursery rhymes! And your versions as well! The story about Jack and Jill are so relatable, kids can be so cruel. I imagine something like this happening to someone at my school, however, knowing the kids in our generation, they would have recorded it and that would have gone viral. I also love Little Bo Peep’s story. I think what could step it up, since she’s so dramatic is to have her call the police and tweet about it. Maybe even have their local police department posting about it too? Then they can post a “false alarm” later. Or Bo could even be willing to give out a cash reward if anyone finds her sheep so that the whole town tries to trick her into giving them money? Of course, you don’t have to use any of these tips. There are so many ways to go with all of these stories! Great job, I cannot wait to read the next one!
I think it's great you chose to do a storybook over something present in today's society. I have only read over a few storybooks, and I have yet to see one that is modern. I love the image you chose. Without reading the title of your storybook, I pretty much knew what it was going to be about. First off, reading your introduction, I love nursery rhymes. I think using Jack and Jill was great. I like the changes you made to the characters so that they were more updated to present day. I remember reading these stories when I was younger, and so to see the twist on it was really cool. I think one of best things about your story is that you included an image of a fake text message conversation. This is so creative. A job well done on your storybook! I'm sure it will be even greater near the end.
Hi, Lillie! The idea for a modern day storybook with technology involved is so interesting! I find it very unique and ingenious. I love that you chose some of the most popular and well-known nursery rhymes. Your introduction did a great job at giving the reader a good idea of what the goal for your storybook is. It also did a great job of capturing my interest in the subject. The story about Jack and Jill is so relatable! I can definitely see something like this happening in schools today. The text messages were also hilarious. The story about Little Bo Peep was great as well! I am curious as to what you used to make the tweets or did you actually make Bo Peep and account? At the end of the story, you mentioned that you wanted to lesson of the story to be: making a big deal out of nothing doesn't always end well. In your story, it seems that everything ends up fine for Little Bo Peep. If this is the goal, you might want to have something negative happen to her. For example, maybe one of the people that tried to help her find the sheep gets mad and doesn't want to be her friend anymore. Just a thought. Great storybook!
Hey Lillie! I always enjoy reading your stories! I love how you have made all these old nursery rhymes into such modern stories! I think the tweeting and message boxes really add to the story and make it come to life! I love the second story! There is so much drama in high school that this story actually seems so realistic! I love how the girls stick together to uncover the awful player's cheating! I am excited to read the last story about Curly Locks and see how you incorporate the modern twist and the old story! I really like how you used different forms of media throughout the story book! I liked the facebook one a lot because the was the one I was most familiar with! I really love how life like the stories are and how easy they are to just keep reading and hold your attention! Great job!
It is extremely interesting on what you are doing for your storybook. This is the first time that I have ever read through it and definitely would say that it is unique and different from a lot of the other stories on here. The use of social media in a lot of the images is something that really helps engage the audience because all of us have grown up in the social media age. These images are way more enticing than just something else such as a normal image. The book is not only well written but it is also funny to read the text that is posted on the entries. The layout of your blog is also extremely nice. I feel like you did an excellent job at putting everything together and made this storybook so unique. I wish you the best of luck with the rest of the semester!
Hi again! I came back for Georgie Porgey. It was super entertaining! As always, your multimedia elements are fantastic. The whole time I read I was curious how you found such fitting profile pictures for everyone, so I was glad to read about it in your Author's Note. You definitely nailed it! I also thought your moral was much stronger this time too and definitely rang true with current issues. On top of that, your rhyme scheme was extremely on point this time. You may have slipped on a few occasions, but by and large, it flowed super well and stayed amazingly constant, even in the Facebook posts. The only thing I would suggest however is making the Facebook threads a bit smaller. Currently they are hard to concentrate on because they are out of focus. I know you can't fix the issue completely, but making them slightly smaller could help. All in all, another good story, and I'm excited for the last(?) one.
Hi Lillie, I am so glad that this week was free choice. I originally visited your page about 2 weeks ago, and am so glad I decided to revisit today. I read both of your stories "Little Bo Peep" and "Georgie Porgie". Both of these stories were amazing. You used imagery in both that tied together the stories. The plot line was amazing, and the author's note was very helpful at the end to explain what you did to modernize the story. The way you broke up each scene in each of the stories was very helpful. These are modernized nursery rhymes that kept me reading and wanting to know more! I loved every bit of it. I don't really have much criticism about the stories because they were so well done. I really hope you are considering a 4th story before the semester ends, because I definitely would come back to read that. Nice job!
Your story book is so creative. I love how you took classic nursery rhymes and amped them up a bit. I think it’s so imaginative to set these old stories in the modern world and have everything take place on social media. I think that you did a good job adding your own spin on the stories. I think that your stories are really well written and also well paced. I thought that they were really amusing as well! The addition of the screen shots of the different posts into the stories really made them so much more real and even more fun. I like how much effort you put into creating your stories, it really shows that you thought everything out well. I think that your Jack and Jill story is my favorite so far, but I am looking forward to see what new stories you write and what nursery rhymes you end up using.
Hey again Lillie! For this week I read the story Georgie Porgey! I have never heard of the original story and was not familiar with it at all. In this case the authors note was extremely helpful to me because of that! I once again loved your use of the modern technology screenshots! This story reminded me a lot of the TV show, Catfish. This is a show where people pretend to be someone else and make someone fall for them under a false disguise. While I really enjoyed your story and understand it was for obviously fake and for entertainment, I hate setting up traps for others to fall into. I think that people go in trying to make their partner fail and will situate it to where they do! I laughed pretty hard at the number of likes the post had and the way you slyly put that in! Overall, great job!
Hi, Lillie! WOW, I am absolutely in awe of your storybook! I was hooked from the very beginning and I was extremely entertained throughout. I am SO incredibly impressed with your rhyming skills! It took me a little while to even realize that you were rhyming throughout because they weren't forced or awkward in the slightest. You did an excellent job of sticking with the nursery rhyme style by including this rhyming technique. I also loved your use of social media throughout and great job making them all seem believable and realistic. I bet it was fun to make each screenshot! I loved how you used different platforms of social media for each story because each had different aspects that proved best for each story. I must say my favorite was Georgey Porgey because the rhyming names were hilarious and all of the Facebook drama made me giggle and be thankful that I am no longer in high school! The drama was life-like and I liked that there was a lesson to be learned at the end for girls to stick together. I don't even have a single suggestion for your project because I thought it was absolutely amazing! I am really glad I got to read your storybook and I am very impressed with what you have created! Overall, great job and I look forward to reading more!
You're last two stories are great additions since the last time I read your storybook! You did an excellent job with keeping the main parts of the nursery rhymes but making them modern. I really like the happy ending in the curly locks story because I am always a fan of the nerds and geeks coming out on top. Your spacing in the story looks great and you did a wonderful job with keeping the tempo and rhyme going through all the stories. The Gregory story is great too and really reminds me of the goodish days back in high school. I am very impressed with how you tied social media into the stories and the pictures really do bring the stories to the next level. Especially the snap chat pictures in the Curly locks story. Great Job and I am sad to see that you are finished with your storybook. ☹
Hi Lillie! I am glad to come back to yours this week since I, too, was incorporating social media elements. I loved the names you gave your characters in Georgie Porgey, like Rick Slick. They were over the top, but that is something I expect out of a nursery rhyme, so good job there! In Curly Locks, I really enjoyed the SnapChats. I think they were well done. I also think you did a great job adapting the stories for modern day. They are almost like what I would expect my children to be reading, lol. In both stories, I think you did a really great job of expanding on the original story. One week, I did that for one of the weekly stories, and it was difficult to work with so little. But you managed to do really well throughout your entire storybook! I also really like that you kept the rhyming names -- it was the finishing touch on all of it.
Hello Lillie! First off, I just want to say that I love this concept that you’ve created. It was so much fun to read. I really enjoyed how you made the paragraph have a nursery rhyme sound to it instead of a normal paragraph. For a couple of my stories, I tried to do a poem/rhyme to them and it was a lot harder than I thought.
I also liked how you set up the introduction and explained the different stories up front. The fake screenshots and stuff adds so much to the story as well. It’s a great touch! I didn’t notice anything that really needed to be changed, but being this far into the semester, I’m sure you’ve fixed it all already. I loved your writing style and I hope you keep up with writing after this class is over. You’re an excellent writer and I think you’ve got a great writing style. Great job!
So this is such an interesting concept. I really like this idea and I'm so intrigued. I think for the first paragraph, you should put it all in quotation marks so it's clear you're not writing like this that whole time. I think you could clean this part up a bit, but I also think it adds a great element to your story. I like how you are pretty straightforward in this introduction. If you wanted to spice it up some, you could refrain from giving the summary in the last part of the third paragraph and simply start by talking about Jack and Jill and their problems like you do in the next paragraph. Since you're already giving summaries of each story, it is somewhat redundant to mention it twice. You can totally expand on your summaries of each story. What else can you tell about Jack and Jill without giving too much away? What do they find throughout this whole situation? Same with the other stories. I think it would be easy to expand on these ideas and to make it even more interesting for the reader, so that they just have to know what happens in your stories. It would be beneficial for you to add a few concluding sentences after you mention Curly Locks. Help lead the reader into the next story. I would focus on wrapping up this introduction and then leading in to Jack and Jill's story. Overall though, really good job and really great idea! I can't wait to your stories.
ReplyDeleteHey Lillie,
ReplyDeleteI really love your ideas for your storybook. The introduction was laid out really well (easy to distinguish between the stories and it gives a good idea of what you are about to read). Your idea to modernize older nursery rhymes was fantastic and the language you used (today's speed) had me laughing at some points. I'm definitely excited to see how it turns out! One suggestion I have would be about Curly Locks' description. The other stories seem to give insight into the conflict that could arise in each, but I find that Curly's description leaves me wondering more of what the story is actually about. With some friends liking her tweets and other not, that just seems like you are giving brief information about a small matter. Maybe just a sentence or two added on about potential conflict and resolution would really round it out in the introduction.
I like the concept! I am excited to see how it will turn out. The first paragraph does seem a little ruff but I thing if you added a little more to let it flow better it would make it ten times better. the summaries are good but I would expand a bit more on the characters and their backgrounds. like who is John compared to Jack and Jill and if he is important? And I have never read your other stories (Gregory Porgey and Curly locks) so I would expand on the setting that the story is occurring in. If you want to you can kind of lead us on with more of the "drama" of each story like you've done with Jack and Jill. Overall great concept for a story book and I am excited how you are going to write the stories as well as the layout of them.
ReplyDeleterough*
DeleteOh my god Lillie, that's a great intro hook! I had a free option this week, and I wanted to read yours because I am also using social media as a twist on stories. I definitely wanted to see how you would utilize social media.
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I think you should use your introduction as if you were already in your storybook world. Maybe like someone spreading gossip, as social media is often used for. I think it would be a nice touch rather than just saying what you're doing with your storybook.
For the Jack and Jill story, I think you should expand a bit on why they were on the hill. Maybe that could add to the embarrassment.
Honestly, I think you should swap what social media platform you are using for Little Bo Peep and Curly Locks. Unless you have some specifics already planned, it doesn't seem like there would be much to take pictures of in the Little Bo Peep story. And even if there was one thing or two, you can still put pictures in tweets. Then you could even include something like Little Bo Peep starting a hastag movement to find her sheep. I think Curly Locks would work better with SnapChat because her story IS so picture based. SnapChat is a great way of showing of your own life through pictures and video.
Overall, I'm really excited to see what way you take this idea; I'm also excited to see how our storybooks differ from each other!
"I like modern nursery rhymes, and I cannot lie!"
ReplyDeleteAmazing. I already know this will be a masterpiece :p. I gotta say, I'm really interested! I think it's a funny, modern spin on things. I've seen a book that had a text message format of Romeo and Juliet and it was amusing from what I saw, so I'm excited for this, too! I also agree that you should have Lil Bo Peep use Twitter; since it's Snapchat, it doesn't seem like she could take pictures of much anyway. It seems better if she just tweeted her adventures, then maybe you can throw in a picture of the sheep at the last tweet.
I'm not sure if you have any control of this, but is there a way to make the pictures smaller? They seem rather large and seem like they don't need to take up as much space as they currently do.
Looking forward to your story! Nicely done.
Lillie! Ok I think this is adorable. I love that you chose nursery rhymes and are bringing them to a modern age. I think that you could work on the title of your storybook though to make it more specific to your storybook. I like that it's informative, but adding a "modern" aspect or something to the title would be more fitting I think. I love that your pictures seem very fitting to your stories; they seem very modern and are easy to understand why they are there. I think that adding a picture or something to the homepage would make it a little more compelling.
ReplyDeleteI love that you go into a little detail about each of the stories involved; I think it's a great introduction into your storybook and it draws us in and makes us want to come back for more. I really think this is an interesting premise and I really think you've done a good job of introducing it so far to make it sound interesting and to explain the premise to your readers. Overall, I think the design is fitting to your storybook though. I think that maybe occasionally using pictures from the original stories would be interesting though to keep it authentic to the original stories.
The concept for this storybook is very humorous, Lillie; mixing up traditional stories with diction and mannerisms fit for a modern age allows for creative storytelling angles. I also noticed the fake text generator you used, and wondered if maybe there are other such generators out there to help add even more punch to your story.
ReplyDeleteYour first two story concepts sound great, with potential to encapsulate modern youth troubles through social media, however since you tease parts of all the stories, I couldn't help but wonder what modern tech will have to do with the latter two stories. Perhaps you could elaborate on that, if that's your goal?
The Georgey Porgey and Curly Locks stories might also need a little bit of explanation. People will likely already be familiar with Jack & Jill and Little Bo Peep, but since the other two are apparently more obscure nursery rhymes, a link in a bibliography to where you can read the original stories would help your audience understand the source.
The little blurb at the top, sounding like a stereotypical teenager, is a cute little detail. I think you can take it one step further by spreading out bits of this gossipy manner and diction into the introduction. It might involve some rewriting, maybe even into a different POV, but it could help bring youthful energy into your intro.
All in all, some touching up on the latter stories would be welcome, and I'd love to feel the 'modern' in it a bit more, but I look forward to how these nursery rhymes will translate into the 21st century.
This is AMAZING, Lillie! I was a little skeptical about modern day fairy tales when trying to decide which story book to read. Then I decided to try something new and different, yours, and I am SO glad I did! I think this story book is going to be hilarious and so enjoyable! I was already laughing after the first description about Jack and Jill being embarrassed about falling down a hill due to their Pokemon Go obsession. I think these stories will be very entertaining to read and fun to write!
ReplyDeleteYour introduction with "Oh my god, Becky..." was so funny and immediately grabbed my attention and made me want to keep reading to see what your story book would be about!
I am not familiar with Georgey Porgey or any stories that he is in so maybe a little background on that character would be nice. Also, Curly Locks seems really shallow, but assume that is supposed to be part of her character?
Overall, awesome job! I can't wait to keep reading!
Lillie, I love this idea! I was cracking up the whole time. I love the screenshot of the conversation about Jack and Jill and although it is fictional I love that you took a somewhat realistic approach on it. High schoolers are brutal and tumbling down a hill will not be an easy thing to shake off. I don’t know if you did it on purpose, but if you didn’t I would definitely be aware of the personalities and the media outlets they use and how they use it. Your characters fit so well with their platform choice, if that makes sense. Dramatic girl on Twitter is very fitting, along with the girl who post all about her relationship on Snapchat, and the popular guy who looks great on the outside (Facebook), but probably isn’t all that great when you get through the surface. My only suggestion would be to stick with these themes because it’s starting to be a common thing to have a certain behavior depending on the platform you use.
ReplyDeleteYour introduction is great. It sounds like an exciting and unique twist on old time nursery rhymes which I think will be fun and easy for people to relate to in this age. The banner images you found for both your introduction and story fit perfectly. I am not certain about the benefit of a link to the first story in the introduction when it is in the banner on the top of the page.
ReplyDeleteI love the first story, “Jack and Jill!” You did a great job on rhyming and your alliteration. I became a little confused as you introduced a few other friends besides John and Jane. This may be due to the abrupt change from their creeping to the rest of kids showing up to laugh at Jack and Jill. However, the fake texts clarified the story for me.
Also, I like that Jack and Jill became trendsetters, and John was used as the moral of the story. I think this will be a fun storybook to read and look forward to checking it out later this semester!
Hey Lillie! I really am enjoying your story! I read your introduction a few weeks ago and was excited to continue reading more of your story! I liked the story about Jack and Jill. In your author's note, you say you really want to teach a lesson through your stories. I think you have accomplished that goal, your story really does teach a lesson. It is hard to put myself in the situation if being so ridiculed for doing something as simple as playing Pokemon Go, but if I think back to middle and high school, I can remember how critical everyone seemed. I also remember how the smallest things seem like the biggest deal! I had to put myself back in that mindset, but I definitely could identify! I think one of my favorite things you added was the text message communication. This really helps to show the modern times. It added a nice touch that really made the story seem modern and like it was young teens talking.
ReplyDeleteI am excited to continue reading your future stories about Little Bo Peep!
Hi Lillie! I have read your storybook before, but I see you have made some major changes since then!
ReplyDeleteGreat job nailing the nursery rhyme aspect of these stories! I think that the rhymes are very necessary for what you are doing, and you are most definitely nailing it. I am glad to see you have added motives to your characters in the revision of Jack and Jill. It has made it a much more entertaining story to read. I love your use of Pokemon Go. After the hype died, it really did begin to seem like it was embarrassing to still play it. It also was such a huge hit that any reader, or at least any reader in this class, should immediately understand.
Great use of the text message screenshots! With stories that are supposed to integrate social media and messaging into them, it is really important to make them work well within the story. And yet again, you have done that really well!
I also really liked that you put a lesson into the story. Children stories seem weird without having one! I would highly recommend doing this with all of your stories.
Overall, awesome job! I cannot wait to see the rest of your storybook.
Lillie, I actually have looked at your storybook before and particularly liked the idea. I see that you've added a story and updated things a bit. I still really like your idea and I think it's done really well with including the text conversations/social media platforms and what not. I really liked your Jack and Jill story and think that the integrated text conversations make it more interesting and readable. I love that you included Pokemon Go, too. I think that your story is written really well and accomplishes the goal set forth by your storybook to include old nursery rhymes and to make them modern through the use of various social media platforms. I also really like that you used integrated conversations in your storytelling, too. I think your story writing is done really well and makes your storybook very interesting to read. I'm really struggling to come up with anything to tell you to change about your storybook. Maybe look into making the home page of your storybook a little more interesting through the use of pictures and colors.
ReplyDeleteIt's turning out really well! I love the images you are doing with the stories! it really makes them pop. The rhymes at the beginning of your stories are great too! I like that the rhyming does not stop there and you continue it throughout your story. The update from the last time I commented bring the story to the next level. I am glad the all your stories so far end on a happy note. I also like that the main characters are all nice to the others and all own up to their situations. I did a great job of making the stories life like and having accurate details. (to the best of my knowledge.) The use of different types of media is very impressive and I would not have thought of that. Good luck with the rest of your stories and I can’t wait to read more!
ReplyDeleteYou have a very interesting concept and I would look forward to reading more. Except, I think there are two things standing in my way. One, I like the original stories too much. While yours are interesting, the originals hold a special place in my heart. Two, I am thrown off by your slang, especially in the Jack and Jill story. However, that might be because I am a sad millennial and don’t comprehend slang. On the Jack and Jill story, why don’t you change the hill to a drainage pipe in a ravine or a cliff side, something that is more realistically going to deter someone from climbing it? More importantly, your Bo Peep story. Your twitter (?) image is really large and blurry, might just be my computer. It would be really cool if you could scale it down so it looked like a real imbedded twitter post. Also, there was a tweet, when she was talking about her dad, you use know instead of known, it allowed me, simply because all the other tweets are correct in tense. And finally, the bit about the sheep getting their hooves trimmed. One, they would do that themselves. Two, it would not take days, hours at most. Three, the sheep being missing that long, several days, would be a reason for legitimate concern not a diva moment. If you changed the timeline to be several hours instead of days, I think it would get your point across more clearly.
ReplyDeleteHi Lillie,
ReplyDeleteI'm in the Epics of India section, but decided to take on a Mythology and Folklore storybook this week. I am so glad I chose yours. I had the chance to read your Introduction and the story about Jack and Jill. The introduction did a great job in informing readers like myself who the main characters are, and your goals with the stories. However, I was thrown off as to why different characters had different forms of social media? Maybe I didn't read carefully, but are these the forms of social media each of these characters associate with? I really really like the story about Jack and Jill. You definitely revolutionized the story, but also kept the same elements. I admire your desire to create an ending that is happy, and also teaches a lesson. The text message images are a great addition that makes this story stronger. The author's note also did a really good job of explaining your creative story. I really did not find anything to pick out in this story that may need work. I really enjoyed it. Nice work!
Hi, Lillie! Your storybook idea is so unique and interesting! I would have never thought about adding a modern twist to nursery rhymes, and you did a fantastic job. Your introduction was well-written and definitely laid out the plan for the rest of your storybook well, especially with your brief summaries about each modern nursery rhyme. Your Jack and Jill story was super entertaining, and I love the fact that you brought in Pokemon Go into the mix. My only issue with this story was that the text conversation with Jane didn’t have any prior context so it was kind of confusing at first. I understood who she was later on, but maybe that image should be moved to be next to the text conversation with Joe instead. But other than this, I had not problems with the rest of your storybook. Little Bo Peep’s live tweets were also fantastic, and I can’t wait to read your story for Georgey Porgey and Curly Locks next!
ReplyDeleteHi Lillie! I thought your intro was super cute and clever! I wasn't really sure what was up with the first two italicized lines, but I liked that you themed each story off of a different social media site. I think it is super cool that there is a fake text generator too because I never would have thought of that.
ReplyDeleteAs for Jack and Jill, it was a really fun story. I liked your rhyming, although it seemed a bit inconsistent. However I've never heard anyone call it "catching" a PokeStop. Everyone I've ever played with has called it "spinning" the PokeStop. But again, this could just be a regional/player preference thing. Also, I feel like Pikachus aren't rare anymore, especially after the Christmas event. My only big picture issue with it is that you wanted your moral to be that you don't have to follow the status quo to be popular and that doing your own thing is great, but that's exactly opposite of what happened. Everyone copied Jack & Jill and started playing, therefore imitating them to be popular. And while they were doing their own thing and that's fine, the whole school suddenly being obsessed with it and calling it "trendsetting" negates their own (and every other copycat's) individuality. However I did honestly like your story, especially with the multimedia/text screenshots kind of thing.
Little Bo Peep was super delightful. I really loved all of the tweets, although making them a bit smaller might make them a little less blurry. But they were seriously super cool! Your rhyming scheme started out absolutely fantastic this time, but slowly fell away again into sometimes the two halves of the sentence rhyme, sometimes two whole sentence endings rhyme, and sometimes nothing rhymes. It's something to consider when you go back and edit.
Overall your ideas and stories are fun and I look forward to coming back to read more (especially Curly Locks).
Hey Lillie!
ReplyDeleteI was so confused at first by the poem as that is not how I had learned it and clearly was a little slow to catch on! I re-read the first few lines to make sure I was right in my previous reading! Once I got what was going on I was laughing so hard! I have never played Pokémon Go and even I knew what the pokestops were so it was nice you used such a well-known online app so everyone would understand! I was so surprised that you were able to incorporate the text screenshots! I have no idea how you did that, but it is so cool and really added to the story! I also liked how even after the poem you kept up with the rhyming all the way through the story. I did not notice is at first and I read it out loud and was like oh my gosh! Very talented, hopefully you never get stuck with the word orange or silver!
I love the concept of your storybook! Your modern updates are hilarious and fit the theme of the old nursery rhymes really well! I love how you used the fake text generators and tweet generators as well. They really help get into the mood of the story. The dedication you put into picking the avatars of the tweeters too in Little Bo Peep is great! I can't wait to read your later stories! I really appreciate how you diagrammed out each story in your introduction because now I know exactly what to expect. The rhyming in your poems and throughout the stories is also fantastic! I would have a hard time keeping it up and I love how it creeps through randomly! I also love the banner pictures and layout of the site you used. It's really intuitive and the banner pictures really fit well with each of the stories. Great start and can't wait to read the rest!
ReplyDeleteI love these nursery rhymes! And your versions as well! The story about Jack and Jill are so relatable, kids can be so cruel. I imagine something like this happening to someone at my school, however, knowing the kids in our generation, they would have recorded it and that would have gone viral. I also love Little Bo Peep’s story. I think what could step it up, since she’s so dramatic is to have her call the police and tweet about it. Maybe even have their local police department posting about it too? Then they can post a “false alarm” later. Or Bo could even be willing to give out a cash reward if anyone finds her sheep so that the whole town tries to trick her into giving them money? Of course, you don’t have to use any of these tips. There are so many ways to go with all of these stories! Great job, I cannot wait to read the next one!
ReplyDeleteI think it's great you chose to do a storybook over something present in today's society. I have only read over a few storybooks, and I have yet to see one that is modern. I love the image you chose. Without reading the title of your storybook, I pretty much knew what it was going to be about. First off, reading your introduction, I love nursery rhymes. I think using Jack and Jill was great. I like the changes you made to the characters so that they were more updated to present day. I remember reading these stories when I was younger, and so to see the twist on it was really cool. I think one of best things about your story is that you included an image of a fake text message conversation. This is so creative. A job well done on your storybook! I'm sure it will be even greater near the end.
ReplyDeleteHi, Lillie! The idea for a modern day storybook with technology involved is so interesting! I find it very unique and ingenious. I love that you chose some of the most popular and well-known nursery rhymes. Your introduction did a great job at giving the reader a good idea of what the goal for your storybook is. It also did a great job of capturing my interest in the subject. The story about Jack and Jill is so relatable! I can definitely see something like this happening in schools today. The text messages were also hilarious. The story about Little Bo Peep was great as well! I am curious as to what you used to make the tweets or did you actually make Bo Peep and account? At the end of the story, you mentioned that you wanted to lesson of the story to be: making a big deal out of nothing doesn't always end well. In your story, it seems that everything ends up fine for Little Bo Peep. If this is the goal, you might want to have something negative happen to her. For example, maybe one of the people that tried to help her find the sheep gets mad and doesn't want to be her friend anymore. Just a thought. Great storybook!
ReplyDeleteHey Lillie!
ReplyDeleteI always enjoy reading your stories! I love how you have made all these old nursery rhymes into such modern stories! I think the tweeting and message boxes really add to the story and make it come to life!
I love the second story! There is so much drama in high school that this story actually seems so realistic! I love how the girls stick together to uncover the awful player's cheating!
I am excited to read the last story about Curly Locks and see how you incorporate the modern twist and the old story! I really like how you used different forms of media throughout the story book! I liked the facebook one a lot because the was the one I was most familiar with! I really love how life like the stories are and how easy they are to just keep reading and hold your attention!
Great job!
It is extremely interesting on what you are doing for your storybook. This is the first time that I have ever read through it and definitely would say that it is unique and different from a lot of the other stories on here. The use of social media in a lot of the images is something that really helps engage the audience because all of us have grown up in the social media age. These images are way more enticing than just something else such as a normal image. The book is not only well written but it is also funny to read the text that is posted on the entries. The layout of your blog is also extremely nice. I feel like you did an excellent job at putting everything together and made this storybook so unique. I wish you the best of luck with the rest of the semester!
ReplyDeleteHi again! I came back for Georgie Porgey. It was super entertaining! As always, your multimedia elements are fantastic. The whole time I read I was curious how you found such fitting profile pictures for everyone, so I was glad to read about it in your Author's Note. You definitely nailed it! I also thought your moral was much stronger this time too and definitely rang true with current issues.
ReplyDeleteOn top of that, your rhyme scheme was extremely on point this time. You may have slipped on a few occasions, but by and large, it flowed super well and stayed amazingly constant, even in the Facebook posts.
The only thing I would suggest however is making the Facebook threads a bit smaller. Currently they are hard to concentrate on because they are out of focus. I know you can't fix the issue completely, but making them slightly smaller could help.
All in all, another good story, and I'm excited for the last(?) one.
Hi Lillie,
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that this week was free choice. I originally visited your page about 2 weeks ago, and am so glad I decided to revisit today. I read both of your stories "Little Bo Peep" and "Georgie Porgie". Both of these stories were amazing. You used imagery in both that tied together the stories. The plot line was amazing, and the author's note was very helpful at the end to explain what you did to modernize the story. The way you broke up each scene in each of the stories was very helpful. These are modernized nursery rhymes that kept me reading and wanting to know more! I loved every bit of it. I don't really have much criticism about the stories because they were so well done. I really hope you are considering a 4th story before the semester ends, because I definitely would come back to read that. Nice job!
Your story book is so creative. I love how you took classic nursery rhymes and amped them up a bit. I think it’s so imaginative to set these old stories in the modern world and have everything take place on social media. I think that you did a good job adding your own spin on the stories. I think that your stories are really well written and also well paced. I thought that they were really amusing as well! The addition of the screen shots of the different posts into the stories really made them so much more real and even more fun. I like how much effort you put into creating your stories, it really shows that you thought everything out well. I think that your Jack and Jill story is my favorite so far, but I am looking forward to see what new stories you write and what nursery rhymes you end up using.
ReplyDeleteHey again Lillie!
ReplyDeleteFor this week I read the story Georgie Porgey! I have never heard of the original story and was not familiar with it at all. In this case the authors note was extremely helpful to me because of that! I once again loved your use of the modern technology screenshots! This story reminded me a lot of the TV show, Catfish. This is a show where people pretend to be someone else and make someone fall for them under a false disguise. While I really enjoyed your story and understand it was for obviously fake and for entertainment, I hate setting up traps for others to fall into. I think that people go in trying to make their partner fail and will situate it to where they do! I laughed pretty hard at the number of likes the post had and the way you slyly put that in! Overall, great job!
Hi, Lillie! WOW, I am absolutely in awe of your storybook! I was hooked from the very beginning and I was extremely entertained throughout. I am SO incredibly impressed with your rhyming skills! It took me a little while to even realize that you were rhyming throughout because they weren't forced or awkward in the slightest. You did an excellent job of sticking with the nursery rhyme style by including this rhyming technique. I also loved your use of social media throughout and great job making them all seem believable and realistic. I bet it was fun to make each screenshot! I loved how you used different platforms of social media for each story because each had different aspects that proved best for each story. I must say my favorite was Georgey Porgey because the rhyming names were hilarious and all of the Facebook drama made me giggle and be thankful that I am no longer in high school! The drama was life-like and I liked that there was a lesson to be learned at the end for girls to stick together. I don't even have a single suggestion for your project because I thought it was absolutely amazing! I am really glad I got to read your storybook and I am very impressed with what you have created! Overall, great job and I look forward to reading more!
ReplyDeleteYou're last two stories are great additions since the last time I read your storybook! You did an excellent job with keeping the main parts of the nursery rhymes but making them modern. I really like the happy ending in the curly locks story because I am always a fan of the nerds and geeks coming out on top. Your spacing in the story looks great and you did a wonderful job with keeping the tempo and rhyme going through all the stories. The Gregory story is great too and really reminds me of the goodish days back in high school. I am very impressed with how you tied social media into the stories and the pictures really do bring the stories to the next level. Especially the snap chat pictures in the Curly locks story. Great Job and I am sad to see that you are finished with your storybook. ☹
ReplyDeleteHi Lillie! I am glad to come back to yours this week since I, too, was incorporating social media elements. I loved the names you gave your characters in Georgie Porgey, like Rick Slick. They were over the top, but that is something I expect out of a nursery rhyme, so good job there! In Curly Locks, I really enjoyed the SnapChats. I think they were well done. I also think you did a great job adapting the stories for modern day. They are almost like what I would expect my children to be reading, lol. In both stories, I think you did a really great job of expanding on the original story. One week, I did that for one of the weekly stories, and it was difficult to work with so little. But you managed to do really well throughout your entire storybook! I also really like that you kept the rhyming names -- it was the finishing touch on all of it.
ReplyDeleteHello Lillie! First off, I just want to say that I love this concept that you’ve created. It was so much fun to read. I really enjoyed how you made the paragraph have a nursery rhyme sound to it instead of a normal paragraph. For a couple of my stories, I tried to do a poem/rhyme to them and it was a lot harder than I thought.
ReplyDeleteI also liked how you set up the introduction and explained the different stories up front. The fake screenshots and stuff adds so much to the story as well. It’s a great touch! I didn’t notice anything that really needed to be changed, but being this far into the semester, I’m sure you’ve fixed it all already. I loved your writing style and I hope you keep up with writing after this class is over. You’re an excellent writer and I think you’ve got a great writing style. Great job!